What if?

What began as a convenient way to integrate homework and needed time with a daughter quickly became an inspiration to this "chicken" (aka writer). Movie time with Beanie, pencil in hand and paper clipped to the board, I embraced the romantic chick flick: Letters to Juliet. I was taking notes in preparation of response writing. Little did I know, this event would take on yet another way God has encouraged fear conquering. It wasn't but 5 minutes into the typical "What if" scenario of screenplay I realized I am a chicken! I have given up dreams and "what if"s all my life, simply because I tested the waters and received a less than desirable response, so I ran (tripping all the way, mind you).

Boy meets girl in adolescence, both part ways across seas, find new lovers, birth generations and 50 years later wonder "What if?" Well, not everyone gets that happy ever after and quite honestly I'm not too sure I believe in such dreams. The viewing of such fairy tails do feed the female need for tears, giggles, and wishful escape on that whoas me kind of day, evening or week where sweets and carbs are the only thing caressing the high levels of estrogen. In case you were wondering, no I only had chips and salsa, because the end table was filled with left over fajitas. Of course, when ooooos and awwws are all said and done, one leaves this fairy tell ending with a reality check, a hope that tomorrow will be better and I won't get on the scales as surely I didn't eat enough calories for increasing measurements; but just in case, I will not tempt the anger trigger of downward spiral special effects of the next WW?? (what one are we on?).

The twist was encouraging, to say the least. I have always enjoyed writing; utilizing it many times as therapy session 101, anger management 415, escape from reality, chore skipping excuse, and last but not least the practice for the same dream all "wanna be" writers transforming to published authors of great masterpieces....WAKE UP!....yes I know, it's a dream BUT "What if?"

Sophia, the main character whom believed in happy ever after love, was a fact checker. So you can imagine the assistance she was in the cliche of first love reuniting 50 years later scenario. Trips across Italy to find 1 of 74 Lorenzo's for the dear Claire, whom wrote an advice seeking letter at age 15 (as if she knew what love was...ha!) and stuck it behind a rock along Juliet's Wall in hopes of response, were the beginning realizations of Sophia's dream, writer to author...and what a story she would tell.

Of course she fell in love too and her lover, Charlie, didn't let her go because of the phenomenon they witnessed along the adventure of seeking long lost love for Claire and Lorenzo's happily ever after story. Wow! surprising I know. The flick had it's unique scenes and funnies worthy quoting, efforts of the obtaining the original goal, bonding with Beanie (Minnie Me).

Beanie (Sabrina as she corrects), is the daughter most like me.  Her cynicism protrudes in the cleverest of ways when the mood strikes however the faulty hope of happily ever after dampens the pillow occasionally and binge cover up of depression and anxiety overwhelm the mask of strength and courage of perseverance are just a few lovely traits she has inherited (but don't tell her that...she will deny it!). Our mother-daughter
time was as expected; cordial, comforting in its weird way, and full of walls covering the "thanks for taking time out mom" love. I will get through those walls I built for her. After all, I was her hero and heroes don't fail. The pedestal was high and so was the fall. Those walls are weakening each day and the mortar that bonds them crack each time she knows I know what she's thinking even when pride stands tall to defend. We have our glimpses of years prior and that is what both of us hold onto....the nights when all that mattered was when we both laid our heads together wishing and dreaming of happy ever after.

Our fall paints a colorful story however the travels before and after is the masterpiece God intends for my journey ahead, a writer reaching to share with dysfunctional families such as ours...and just maybe...What if?