A year is sneaking in, much has happened and all has not been lost. The loss was severe. She loved the man unconditionally, without ridicule, submitting her desires to a man that had no respect for anyone than himself. Why did we all try to gain his acceptance? Its been a year and she holds my heart more now than ever. Her character has been the strength carried me through. It opened my eyes. I thought I saw the right path in those last few months, I thought I saw her want more, I thought I saw regret. What I did see was she began to realize she was not crazy, all of us loved her, we all wanted to know the Grayston history. She missed her family all those years. Did he ever let her see them? I don’t remember ever seeing the Grayston side, other than visiting many landmarks that laid their foundation, the beginning of Huntington. The Graystons were the one of the first families to settle. Isabella traveled many seas to reach Huntington. Did you know even back then the townspeople thought they were better and made many judgements on others. Is that the history of Huntington? Just weeks before Marianna’s death, I began to see much more. There was no doubt in me the story she told was true, of course I thought it to be “How could he not considering all this woman has submitted to?”…I was wrong, she saw him through His eyes. I have never seen anyone in that way. Her one on one was never broad casted nor was it declared but rather through the years instilled in the Grayston women, by example. Her life is a reflection of Him. Why did I not see it til then? I knew the heart was there and the gentle, kindred spirit. Judgement was never a trait she entertained, regardless of the overwhelming amount placed in front of her, or directed at her. She was judged daily, weekly, yearly and broke. She took refuge within, what appeared to be “crazy” factors, delusional words, off topic comments, historical lessons 101 that many did not follow, I did. My heart hurt for her all those years. I was afraid too. How did she do it? Brushing it off on a the “weakness” of women in her generation (boy was I wrong). There was not weakness, it was a product of finding acceptance where it mattered, in Him. She was a woman of grace, eloquence, nobility and what it means to truly love unconditionally. She has been gone a year now (in a few days) and although my heart hurts and wishes I could say just a few more things to her, I knew she had all she could take and so did He. It was her time, He gave her time to say goodbye without any distractions, no judgement, no ridicule, just time to be her….a woman whom she forgot existed, or was it us that forgot? It was difficult to hear the second guessing of who she was and what was ok as that man took all she had with no remorse. Marianna, Grandma, I miss you! I miss hot and cold. I miss the nights of register heat. I miss the non chalant defenses we shared. I miss the stories we snuck in. I miss the times when I saw you. I hold onto those moments. I hold onto the years. Most of all, I hold on to the example you set for the Grayston women, unconditional love and the acceptance of one is the ticket. I have your strength, I have your will, I have your grace, I have your ability to submit, I have your love, I will never let go, I shall honor. I will see the only acceptance that matters. I will fulfill our shared dream. I pray I honor what you would want. I will break the silence, with respect. I will carry you in my heart now and always. I will let your example lead my journey. By the way….I know you are here. I feel your presence and your strength holding me. I miss you. With all I have.
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